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The morning started healthily with a cake-inspired breakfast which was essentially 5 packets of cereal in a bucket of molten chocolate. It would have made a great cake, had Mike actually let it set before eating it all.

Tales of childhood injuries and Dentist phobias were soon forgotten as the ever-surprising Jo announced that she had just finished coding a brand new immersive MMRP universe and invited everyone to a massive Minion role-playing session under the guise of yet another world domination enterprise. A few hours talking gibberish whilst running around and giggling at each other seemed like a welcome break from the monotony of boring Group Cake chat. Cat was bouncing and began planning her day around it. Ness was sceptical until it was pointed out that gin would be provided and immediately put all the chickens to bed. Lee got really excited about the prospect of getting his dungarees out (Not a euphemism) and quickly deactivated his account and Swearah rearranged her busy reschedule to accommodate.

Amazon have just sent Vicki a message to tell her there was a problem with her wish list and that Jared Leto was currently on back order, not available until late September. At least this has given her boyfriend a few extra months to construct the Shelf. Unrelated, Loungefly have reported a record month in sales, mainly centred around the Essex area.

In Pilates news, Swearah today strained her eyebrow attempting to hoik her leggings up on one leg, having now returned from Argyll (Lonn gave her an extra charge for her bike and Mike gave her a push start). She’s currently in A&E (Pilates section) attempting to explain her latest injury.

Brum has gone AWOL again after briefly making a welcome appearance last night, but reports are in that she’s in collaboration with Anne to make a marbled bacon sandwich to display at the National Museum of Modern Breakfast in Hartlepool.

Hanna has been very busy crocheting a brand new wearable. This innovative new range is actually a cardigan that you can wear as you make. A few teething problems involving two extra arms following the excitement of an endless ball of hand dyed yarn from Cat has now been solved, and the pattern is now with Lee to test. This wouldn’t be a problem if a) He knew how to crochet, and b) if he hadn’t superglued it to the dog.

Adele is currently unable to move due to the sheer weight of boxed orders due out the door, but Darren has offered services and is heading down in his Astra estate to help. Or he would be had he not broken down in Torquay.

Sports News Update: Ness has now revealed her intention to compete in the Inverness Highland Games, due to be held at The Ness Sea Estate in August. Jyoti and Clair have also announced their intention to not participate.

This news is fully accurate and up to date as of Friday 6 May 14:55…